almost pyaar with dj madarchod

I think about this particular interaction a lot, "tu chahta tha ki mai tere paer padd jau aur maafi maangu" it's such a mischaracterization. I get it when people are clingy, anxious fucks but what did I do or say that warrants such hostility in his behaviour towards me? Saying "ro matt" is just a reaction to constant nagging and provocative remarks, I wouldn't unnecessarily spin that on him without that notion. 

It reminded me no matter how someone who might perceive as intelligent can act in the most infantilized manner when under conflict. I maintained my cool throughout and even offered that we still continue professionally from a distance after we don't remain friends.

Initially he said he respects that decision but then a day later, comes back trying to shift the blame on me?

I wasnt the one who resorted to name calling or saying oho you don't know the effect this had on my mental health. I was just chilling and revitalizing instead of having a heated confrontation. And even after explaining myself, instead of acknowledging my explanation he resorted to questioning my decision on taking time. And demanding that I be the one to apologize. Where does this lack of conscience stem from? I don't consider him a bad person, but as a friend it makes sense why he's surrounding himself with people of equal squalor. A girlfriend with a love-hate relationship whom he almost cheated on twice, people stuck in lousy jobs without the urgency of feeling they're losing out on life, friends who genuinely don't care enough about who he is as a person and more as a trophy. 

I wanted him to see me and treat me as I did for him, be there for him and he called me his best friend. Although I didn't share the same notion, I did consider him close enough to cry on call or even say I love you man, because I do care about people. It doesn't mean I'll let them treat me like shit and apologize. I've never been a pushover, and won't let anyone treat me as such. If he thought talking to me like I'm his man servant and that I would let go of this behaviour just because of "our future together" as a team then he was wrong.

I will always prioritize myself. Despite knowing that he had that infantile processing I let this happen. I won't again. This doesn't mean I'll push away people closest to me. Me and Chinu have also had record breaking fights, we've had instances that made me question things but he never let it become a him vs me thing, it was always us vs the problem. And eventually we'd work out the differences. 

Fuck even S for that matter, we never had a fight through it all because mutual respect always came first. Everyone is human and deserves a second chance. I did so for him too but he shat all over it. He won't go far honestly, it's his loss bigger than its mine in a lot of ways. The immediate drop in his quality of video became so apparent. He even removed the projects that he made with me from his profile, except disturbance. But that's because that was always his baby. I'll post toothless again a year from now on its first anniversary.

Till then, 

goodbye moonmen. 

I will always care for you, even when you're not here anymore. That's true for everyone I've lost.