by me and mine (2024 val's version)

The effect of my blogposts is quite undeniable. I'm sorry that sometimes I'm judgmental or too critical about things. I underestimate my ability to overthink things, I confuse my clarity or self-awareness with a lot of things. Maybe I'm confusing it with my overthinking too at times and because of it I've hurt people time and again. For all of that, I'm very sorry. 

As someone who claims to be highly precise or very well-planned I don't know a lot of things. The thoughts I'd been having for a while over my confusion about FTII; why I must join the institution or even consume films at all. I was so confused. Monumentally, because of maybe finances or just fear. I'm very afraid of my future. Its so brilliant with its carnage that its banging down the door while I hold the fort down with twice its might. My mightiness was dwindling for a bit. I let my thoughts wander and tried distracting myself with exercises that might hurt my chances day after tomorrow. But it'll go down in history that an attempt was made. An attempt was made to fight against the carnage of my future into the stairway of dreams. What I realized today is that the stairway doesn't end at FTII (I knew this but it got confirmed thrice actually). I don't care for the exam. In fact I don't care if I don't get in, but I want to do my best either way. 

I'll not diminish the fact that my friends do have an effect on me. I can't put into words the amount of ease I feel just being with them, sitting and chatting about our daily bouts even if its about complete strangers, it still feels important. I undermine my place for them too at times, maybe. Right now, as I sit to type this down in midst of my subjective writing session, it makes so much sense to write this blogpost. For me, cinema is something to be made for, enjoyed with, and loved with friends. I do what I do; I say what I say; I am what I am for them. I'll never forget today and what it means to me. Thank you for coming, Siddhi, Chinmay and Pratham.

I love you dearly,

Val.