Love, Val.

The Grinch is asleep in the backseat tonight. Nehru and the Driver aren't speaking. I wish to take out my pen and sketchpad; and draw the scene tonight. The little boy dreaming of his beloved's eyes within reach. The poet in me dies every time I pen my thoughts. Whether it's a nasty affliction of the winter moon; or the infectious nature of the Kafkaesque barren land of Engineering. I don't know what time tells. 

Tonight we're all prisoners of fear. Fear beginning with future. Because the past is unkind. Future with the loved ones we make, friends who guide us to opening new experiences, income that gratitude and goes beyond the lifestyle you enjoy right now. You enjoyed Delhi so you must work harder to go back. You wish to live on your own; but you also want to pursue your dreams. How many dreams do you have break to live comfortably? If dreams paid bills, we'd be millionaires at 21.

21. Twenty one. A tiring age. I remember being 11 and lying in bed with a single thought. Ten years from now, I'll be 21. What will I be doing then? Will I be an engineer? I am. Will I be a writer? I am. Will I be a filmmaker? I am. Ten years from now, when I open my writings. Will I know then if I have made it?

Am I writer? Did I make the movies I wanted to make? 31 year old Val, are you fat? Do you hate yourself? Do you like the way you look? Does the woman you love live with you? Are you married? Did you make the apartment yet? Did you assemble it piece by piece like you planned or did you buy it outright? Does it exist? Or is it still a dream? I have so many questions for you. I'm surely going to be thinking about more than I wish to ask. What did you do this year for your birthday? In 2023, you went to IFP with Samarth. 

Celebrate your birthday with your loved ones. I don't know how many you've got. I'm surprised you've made it this far. We were told that we wouldn't live that long. It goes to show that we proved them wrong. If you're reading this earlier, then go make the film you want. Write the stories you want to see.

Finish that script. Finish those stories you've lying on your desktop. They're kino gold and you know it. Stop hiding what you think you don't know. Ask for help. Get the crew out, don't worry about making a fool of yourself. You're going to do it anyway. Make those trips. Get out of the house, say those words. Don't settle for less. It might be cringe to you as most of your past does seem like that to you. You don't like self-aware writing and that's fine. It's for your eyes only. This won't remain in drafts. You need to post it. You haven't posted all October. I'm speaking for 2023 Val. Don't worry.

Your Engineering is coming to an end. Love is beginning. New friends are coming. Times' all exciting. You're hyped up. Maybe life after this doesn't live up to what you wished. But you'll know only if you try. So try. Do the things you love. And I'll remember you for the same.

- Love,

Val.