A memoir

 I absolve myself of everything. Life is so petty. Death is so sudden. I overheard a call from my mother talking about Flavia aunty. I didn't have any special attachment to the woman. She was my childhood bully's mother but there was a moment I shared with her that remained in my heart for the past 7 years. Flavia aunty was our sector counselor. She used to go around telling people their business. There were many people who hated her for the intrusion. She'd come to your home with the garbage woman and become a self-appointed pariah. Telling people to separate their wet wastes with their dry wastes. She'd make long speeches about crowds and people not owning up to their business. I think people hated her for speaking out. For making them feel they were irresponsible or not doing enough. I didn't know well then but I knew I couldn't hold a conversation with her. It was difficult to be around her.

I remember once sweating to death during Rosary at her house, then simultaneously cussing. "Fuck" I said. Everyone heard that. That wasn't very holy bible reading of me. I don't know what prompted me to say that but I've never regretted it. Then in 2016 when she was at the peak of her counselor era and we won the best sector award after a hardcore competition. Her husband died that year. And she sank away.

She stopped being the pariah although some people still remembered her only for that. I went to her house half-heartedly to give her Christmas sweets and she emptied her cupboards for candy, hugged me twice and I didn't see her for the following year. How absurd.

I think after that every time I saw her out on a walk, I remembered to say Hi to her. Even if no one else did. Maybe the gestures you do are the things people remember about you. I like to remember her for in her grief she didn't wait a second to give joy that 14 year old boy at her door that Christmas. That's how I'm going to remember her. It doesn't matter if she regretted it after I left or it was in shock that she did it for me. I'm going to remember her as a kind woman. That's more than what anyone else could do for her.