a token of my appreciation. a new end.

There's a certain discomfort with which I pen down my thoughts, my cognitive content, and it's for a necessary reason. I have been challenging the notion to be a filmmaker and not an engineer for something close to a year. Engaging with the world that is cinema and finding the truth in lives of people who created the films close to my heart has been a journey on its own. I have learnt and taught so much to everyone around me but there's a time when your hobbies have to circumvent and you've to click the refresh [F5] button once in a while to check whether its sustainable or not. Filmmaking is not. I have tried to maintain a pristine filmography until now. I'll continue to create art but I'm putting the cinema I wish to create to the side till I can have the balls to actually go down that path. To make money, there's a lot to consider and a lot for me to say so I shall continue to write: scripts, short stories, and maybe once upon a book I might land an offer. I'm terrified by the veracity of my mind when it comes to my self. Myriads of coverts veiled under my eyeline fetching the fact that no one can handle their dreams. No cotton candy clouds, none of the blue crayon cats hissing at strangers in your alleyways, and there's no tall, moustached Victorian Englishman who will fund your film. There's only you. The megabucks don't fly into your bank account when the statements arrive. If you wish a modest living, thou shall have it. If you wish an abundance of deluxe standards, you begin ricocheting your dreams off the walls and delve into the mainstream. Finish your degree, find a job and marry the love of your life. Live simple, don't dream grand. About thirty years down the line you'll have it all. But start small, focus on what you're doing. Well. This is where I begin, I have three semesters to be lively, learn all the truths of my degree and apply it to achieve the standard of living I expect and my life demands. Then I plunge myself into my older scripts and finds things that continue to ring true in my eyes. That's what I'll create then. But first, I'll give it all up so that I can do it later and if I can't then we all know I shall not find any meaning in what I do. I'll live like my parents. I'll die like myself, a stranger to the world.